I dig everything but I don’t dig walking down the sidewalk and seeing a crow piercing another bird to death still breathing bloody hole in its side in pain how can nature be so cruel? but do you love it like I do?

Walking to the library to get a fix of something – got depressed reading Hesse – he said that people who love can’t think critically or of anything important. Love dulls knowledge. And I think  it’s true – those days when we used to pop pills to study and learn about political structures I had more thoughts in my head than now with love in my heart and through my veins. I can’t give it up, but I can’t think.

And anyways, people are always asking me what my favourite book is or who my favourite musician is and I can’t think I clam up and give some bogus answer my external doesn’t reflect anything true. It’s a big gimmick through anxious lips anxious mind following – but I know what I want and I know what I like. But the world doesn’t want to know. A mad apple is falling in the cavities.

How can you focus on anything that isn’t real? It’s an obsession. Paranoiac daydreams about being stabbed in the back or run over by a car so often that I want it to happen just so I can validate my insanity. And the doctor noticed it straight away – gave me pills and told me to confess to a psychiatrist kept asking if I was suicidal no, no I’m not depressed I just wig out … curtis mayfield told us that depression was on his mind but it’s not on mine …

And anyways, I dig everything. I can’t be depressed. But more people should be – too oblivious … and even if you are, is it fake? it’s a big fad to be down and out there’s political and social revolutions still happening like a new-wave sixties but instead of love, people are divulging in being down and out … it’s hip it’s cool it’s new. And our parents tell us to toughen up – they were caught in between the love and the hate. All they know is that their parents had it rough and so did they by extension and we should have it rough like them and then we have it rough and they say we make it rough for ourselves we can’t control our actions – you taught us take responsibility and these thoughts come when lazing in the grass in a sundress caught in a daisy chain … what does it all mean?

Alice in wonderland fell down a rabbit hole but I didn’t. I fell through the sky and moved the stars around. How can people name stars after themselves? Egoistic ants living on a rock … Don’t you know that skydiving makes you feel insignificant? The littlest ant falling through empty air – a big mocking foot waiting to stomp down. And should a foot have stomped down on the dying bird on the sidewalk? Who’s to tell … the only thing to tell is how cruel and evil the food chain is. And we manipulate it, don’t we … it’s okay to eat meat they say … but then see the scene of a dying bird pecked apart by it’s next highest predator and it really is catastrophic …

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